Nutty Cheese Log Food

NUTTY CHEESE LOG

Steps:

• Process all ingredients except nuts in food processor until blended.
• Roll into 10-inch log on large sheet of plastic wrap; wrap tightly with plastic wrap.
• Refrigerate 3 hours or until firm. Unwrap cheese log; roll in nuts until evenly coated.

WORST DATE EVER NUTTY CHEESE BALL

Steps:

• You should have known that it wasn't going to go well when he arrived to pick you up for dinner on his Segway. As if it wasn't awkward enough having to walk briskly along beside him, craning your neck to make eye contact as he rolled down the sidewalk, there was the added talking point of his jaunty little straw boater. What was he thinking? What were you?
• Now you are starving because he took you to a raw food restaurant and then announced that everything was, "Real expensive, so don't go crazy." You were totally not prepared for him to whip out the calculator to determine, to the penny, what you ate. Once safely back in your own apartment-alone!-make yourself a nutty cheese ball because that's exactly what that clown was. Mix together cream cheese and pineapple.
• Take a quick peek out the window to make sure he's gone. What? Is that him, lurking beneath the lamppost? Oh, great, not only was he a lousy date, but now he wants to stalk you? Why is it always the losers that you can't get rid of? Wonder, "Why can't the really good-looking and successful guys be the stalkers?" as you put walnuts in a ziplock bag and crush them with a hammer, pounding on them like he kept pounding his fist on the table as he ranted endlessly about how nobody listens to him at work.
• Add diced green pepper and celery to the cheese. Roll cheese mixture into a ball. Try not to think about how he kept adjusting his balls during dinner, saying, "Damn, boys, sit still!" And especially don't think about the several times he actually reached down inside his pants and then with the same hand reached over to your plate to fish a piece of zucchini out of your raw lasagna.
• Roll cheese ball in walnuts and vow not to ever, ever again go out with a man you met at the ninety-nine-cent store.

NUTTY BACON CHEESE BALL

Steps:

• Beat cream cheese and milk on low speed in large bowl until blended.
• Add cheeses; blend on medium speed until well combined. Add green onions, pimiento, half of bacon, and half of pecans; blend on medium speed until well mixed.
• Add salt and pepper to taste.
• Transfer 1/2 of the mixture to a piece of plastic wrap.
• Form into a ball; wrap tightly.
• Repeat with remaining mixture.
• Refrigerate until chilled--at least 2 hours.
• Combine remaining bacon and pecans with parsley and poppy seeds in a pie plate. Remove plastic wrap from each ball. Roll each into the mixture until well coated. Rewrap each ball in plastic wrap and refrigerate until ready to use--up to 24 hours.

NUTTY CHEESE BALLS

Steps:

• Beat soft cheese & dolcelatte together using a spoon, until smooth.
• Mix in all remaining ingredients, except chopped walnuts, stirring well to combine.
• Divide mixture into as few as 12 pieces or as many as 24, depending on the side of balls you would like to serve.
• Roll each piece into balls, then roll each ball gently into chopped walnuts.
• Chill in refrigerator at least 1 hour before serving.