My Big Fat Bumpy Life Cake Food

THE BIG WINOOSKI

Steps:

• Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F (175 degrees C). Line two sheet pans with parchment paper.
• In a small bowl, whisk together the cocoa powder, flour, salt, and baking powder.
• In the bowl of a stand mixer fitted with the whisk attachment, combine the eggs, brown sugar, honey, espresso powder, and vanilla. Whisk on high speed until the mixture ribbons thickly.
• Put the butter and chopped chocolate in a heatproof bowl and set it over a saucepan of simmering water (to make a double boiler). Stir until melted.
• Using a sturdy wooden spoon, stir the flour mixture into the melted chocolate mixture until well combined. This becomes a very thick paste, but if you use your muscles, you'll get through it. Stir one third of the egg mixture into the chocolate mixture to lighten it; again, this takes a little muscle. Add the lightened chocolate mixture to the remaining egg mixture in the mixer bowl and whisk on medium speed until the batter is smooth and shiny. Using a wooden spoon, fold in the chocolate chips.
• If the dough isn't already firm, cover the bowl with plastic wrap and refrigerate until scoopable, about 1 hour.
• Dip a medium (1 1/2-ounce) cookie scoop in hot water (don't dry off after dipping), then scoop leveled scoops of the dough and place them on the prepared sheet pans 1 inch (2.5 cm) apart. Dampen your hands with water and gently press down on the cookies with your palm to flatten them a bit. Bake until the cookies just begin to lose their shine on top (they'll still have a "sheen" but they will no longer be shiny), 10 to 12 minutes.

MY BIG FAT GYPSY TRIFLE

Steps:

• Place a large trifle dish or large glass bowl onto a tray to make it easier to carry.
• Slice the pound cakes into 1/4-inch slices. Line the bottom of the dish with a few of the slices, tightly and in a single layer. Pat them down evenly with your fingers. Brush the cake with some of the liqueur, if using. Then take a few strawberries that are roughly the same size and turn one half upside down and place them on the outer edge of the cake so they are pressing up to the glass. Repeat all the way around the dish. Sprinkle some of the cookie crumbs on top of the cake to a third of the way up the strawberries.
• Put the vanilla, sugar and cream into the bowl of a mixer and whip until stiff peaks form. Spread one third of the cream on top of the cookie crumbs and smooth it down with a spoon or spatula. The cookie crumbs will stick to the spoon while spreading so I use a small knife to scrape them off. The cream should come up to just above the level of the strawberries. Stand back from your evolving masterpiece and make sure the cream is level. If it is not, use a piece of paper towel to wipe around the edge of the bowl, then sprinkle on a layer of the white chocolate.
• Repeat each layer until the bowl is full, finishing with a layer of strawberries.
• Refrigerate until ready to serve.

BUMPY CAKE

Steps:

• For the cake: Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F. Spray a 9-by-13-inch baking dish with nonstick cooking spray.
• Whisk the cocoa powder and instant espresso in a large bowl. Pour in the vegetable oil, water, milk and vanilla extract and whisk until smooth. Add the baking soda, baking powder, salt and eggs and whisk until smooth. Whisk in the granulated sugar until well combined. Fold in the flour until smooth. Pour the batter into the prepared baking dish. Bake until a toothpick inserted into the center of the cake comes out with just a few crumbs, 33 to 35 minutes. Transfer to a wire rack to cool completely in the dish, about 1 hour. Freeze until hardened, about 1 hour.
• For the buttercream: Meanwhile, fit a piping bag with a 1/2-inch round tip. Combine the sugar, butter and salt in the bowl of a stand mixer fitted with the paddle attachment (or in a large bowl if using a handheld mixer). Mix on low speed until mostly incorporated. Add the vanilla, increase the speed to medium high and mix until smooth and thick but pliable. Adjust the consistency if needed by mixing in the milk. Transfer the buttercream to the piping bag. If the buttercream has become too soft and warm, refrigerate until chilled, about 10 minutes.
• With a short side of the cake dish facing you, pipe 7 rows of buttercream crosswise on the cake 1 to 1 1/2 inches apart. Return the cake to the freezer until the buttercream is very cold, about 30 minutes.
• For the fudge frosting: Whisk the confectioners' sugar, buttermilk and vanilla in a medium saucepan over medium heat. Add the cocoa powder, corn syrup and salt and bring to a boil, whisking constantly. Fit the saucepan with a candy thermometer, reduce the heat to medium low and cook until the mixture reaches 240 degrees F. Remove the saucepan from the heat and add the butter a few pieces at a time, whisking constantly, until the frosting is smooth. Let cool slightly, about 10 minutes.
• Pour half of the fudge frosting over the buttercream rows, tilting the dish slightly so that the entire surface is covered and the fudge drips down the sides of the cake. Return the dish to the freezer until the fudge hardens, about 10 minutes. Repeat frosting with the remaining fudge and refrigerate the cake for 20 minutes to let the fudge harden before serving. Be sure to use a sharp knife to cut the cake; the fudge is sticky, especially around the edges of the cake. The cake can be stored, covered, in the refrigerator for up to 1 week.

MY BIG, FAT CHOCOLATE CHIP COOKIES

Steps:

• Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F.
• Line 2 cookie sheets with parchment paper. Sift together the flour, baking soda, and salt into a medium bowl and set aside.
• Place the butter, sugar, and brown sugar in the bowl of an electric mixer; cream together on medium speed until light and fluffy. Scrape down the sides of the bowl with a rubber spatula. Beat in the vanilla and eggs. Gradually add the dry ingredients to the creamed mixture and continue to mix until a smooth batter forms. Turn off the mixer and fold in the chocolate chunks using the spatula.
• To form the cookies, scoop about 1/4 cup of cookie dough into your hands and roll it around into a ball; place them about 3-inches apart onto the prepared cookie sheets; you should get about 4 cookies on each pan. Press down the tops of the dough slightly and bake until the cookies are light brown, 12 minutes for chewy cookies, or about 15 minutes for crispy cookies.
• Allow the cookies to cool on the baking sheets for 5 minutes before transferring to a wire rack to cool completely. Repeat with remaining dough/cookie sheets.