Pump Fake Potato Food

EL PASO STUFFED POTATO

Steps:

• Prepare a smoker for cooking at 300 degrees F. If you don't have a smoker, an oven may be used.
• Rinse potato thoroughly and wrap in aluminum foil. Place in smoker and smoke for 3 hours. Roll potato on the counter to soften. Open and remove foil, then cut a slit down the center of the potato. Layer with butter, salt, pepper, cheese, sour cream, chives, Beans and Brisket and top with Jalapeno Toreado.
• Saute bacon and onions in a skillet over medium heat until golden brown; set aside. Place the beans, chili powder, salt, pepper and 2 1/2 quarts water to a small pressure cooker. Add the cooked bacon and onions. Pressure cook according to manufacturer's specifications, 2 hours.
• Preheat an offset smoker to 250 degrees F.
• Trim brisket. Sprinkle all over with salt and pepper. Cook in smoker until the meat is "floppy" and cooked to 200 degrees F all the way through, 10 to 18 hours. Wrap brisket in butcher paper and continue cooking in the smoker until the internal temperature rises above 200 degrees F, 2 to 6 hours more. Remove from smoker. Let brisket rest for 1 hour. Slice and chop the meat.
• Brown jalapenos in a cast-iron skillet on medium-high heat until soft, about 10 minutes. Remove to a bowl. Add soy sauce, lime juice and onions to a separate bowl. Toss jalapenos in marinade and refrigerate overnight.

FAKE BAKED POTATO SOUP

Steps:

• Put all ingredients in a large pot, stir really well.
• Heat on a low temperature and keep stirring occasionally, it's got milk, so it might scorch if you're not careful.
• Serve with some french bread from the deli.

FAKE MASHED POTATOES/CAULIFLOWER

Steps:

• Steam the cauliflower until tender.
• I prefer to do this in the microwave. Drain well.
• Place the steamed cauliflower in the food processor or mixer.
• Do not put it in a blender, it doesn't give it the right consistency.
• Pulse slowly adding only a little of the cream, butter and sour cream at a time.
• Watch out that it doesn't get too runny.
• Add the garlic and salt and pepper.
• Keep mixing until smooth.

APRIL FOOL'S FAKE BAKED POTATO

Steps:

• Take 2 large scoops of vanilla ice cream and place on a large piece of plastic wrap. Wrap up and mold with hands into a potato shape. Put in freezer to set (about 20 minutes).
• Put cocoa powder into a bowl and roll unwrapped ice cream potato in the powder until completely covered. Slice the top of your ice cream potato and pull back edges a bit to make room for your whipped topping (Cool Whip) and Starburst candy butter. Shake off excess cocoa powder and place on a plate. Top with a dollop of Cool Whip for the "sour cream".
• Place your unwrapped yellow Starburst candy in the microwave for 10 seconds to soften - then press the edges out to make a larger "pat of butter". Top your potato and enjoy!