My Famous Drunken Turkey Food

MY FAMOUS DRUNKEN NOODLES

Steps:

• Make sauce: Combine all of the ingredients in a small bowl. Set aside.
• Prepare noodles: In a large saute pan, heat the oil over high heat. When you see a wisp of white smoke, add the garlic and cook, stirring, until light brown.
• Add the eggs and serrano chiles and cook, stirring, until the eggs are lightly scrambled and barely set, about 1 minute.
• Add the shrimp and onion, folding constantly until the shrimp turn pink, about 1 minute.
• Add the noodles, basil, tomatoes and sauce and toss to combine for about 3 minutes. Don't be scared to scrape the bits off the bottom before they burn. Cook for 1 additional minute until the noodles are cooked and coated well. Serve hot.

GOOD OLD FASHIONED DRUNKEN TURKEY

Steps:

• Rub turkey with olive oil massaging it gently and roughly alternatively the turkey likes to be fondled for some reason.
• Then sprinkle the marjoram over the bird.
• Again make sure the turkey is covered-- she doesn't enjoy bare breasts or legs!
• Using the needle and syringe, inject the turkey with 1/2 cup of old expensive whiskey in various locations.
• When you are sure you have enough alcohol in it, spread its legs and throw in some marjoram then tress the cavity.
• Loosely cover the bird with aluminum foil.
• Place in oven, consistently basting it with the liquid on the bottom (composed of water, vegetable scraps, and the juices from the hot, wet steamy bird).
• Baste approximately every thirty minutes for the recommended time: About 4 1/2 hours for a 16-20 pound bird at 325F or until internal turkey temperature is 185F During the last hour of baking, coat turkey with whisky or other liquor every 15 minutes.
• To make gravy: Take the bird out of the pan to cut.
• Skim off the gunk and take out the remains of the vegetable scraps.
• Put the pan over a burner on the stove and turn on medium heat.
• Make a sludge of a few spoons of flour and a little cold water, and mix into the hot pan liquids, stirring and scraping the pan.
• Throw in some scraps of meat and reduce liquid by 1/3.
• Have a drink of whiskey and enjoy!

DRUNKEN TURKEY

Steps:

• 2-3 DAYS AHEAD: Make a marinade by grating the onion, bay leaves, thyme, cilantro, pepper, and garlic together and mixing with the wine. Marinate the turkey for 2+ days in the refrigerator, leaving it well covered. Turn it twice a day. (Personally, I like to put the bird in a garbage bag in a bucket for this step.) Remove the bird from the refrigerator to clean it. Dry it and then leave it to warm to room temperature. Preheat the over to 350 degrees. Inject the bird all over with a mix of soy sauce and white wine, the proportion of which should be agreeable to the taste - not salty. Mix together salt, pepper, melted butter, and some lemon and baste the bird with it. If you choose not to stuff it, you must nevertheless fill the cavity with white onions and/or apples cut into big pieces to keep the bird moist. Or, use the stuffing that you normally do. Strain the red wine marinade and set aside so that you can use it to wet the bird several times during the cooking. Cover the bird with tin foil and put in the oven, breast down. Wet the bird with the strained marinade every 30 minutes. Cook until the internal temperature reaches 165 degrees. Towards the very end - more or less 45 min before it is ready- turn and uncover the turkey and grease it with more butter so that it turns brown. However, if it starts to brown too much, re-cover it with the foil. (I don't put it on broil because it burns when I do this.) Leave it to cool to room temperature, bathing it often with the hot broth it released during the cooking, but having removed the grease beforehand so that it is not too fatty. Carving should be done in such as way so that the knife is perpendicular to the carcass - that is, each slice should contain meat close to the outside and to the bone. Drizzle with either the juices from cooking or gravy as you carve, to keep it moist.