Fancy Pimento Cheese Food

FANCY PIMENTO CHEESE

Steps:

• Using the smallest holes of a box grater, grate half the Cheddar cheese. Grate the remaining Cheddar cheese on the next larger size holes.
• Stir together the Cheddar cheese, chives, roasted red pepper, cream cheese, pickle juice, mayonnaise, hot pepper sauce, and black pepper in a bowl until evenly combined.

FIVE-CHEESE PIMENTO CHEESE

Steps:

• Drain peppers, reserving liquid, then finely chop if whole.
• Process shallot, cream cheese, mayonnaise, Miracle Whip, Worcestershire, salt, hot sauce, and 2 Tbsp. pepper liquid in a food processor until very smooth. Add cheeses and pulse until just combined. Add peppers and pulse until just combined. Serve with crackers alongside.
• Do Ahead
• Pimento cheese can be made 5 days ahead; cover with plastic, pressing onto surface, and chill.

PIMENTO CHEESE, AUTHENTIC SOUTHERN STYLE

Steps:

• Rough cut all blocks of cheese into chunks about the size of a 50 cent piece.
• In your food processor with the regular blade, chop the extra sharp cheddar. You may have to do this in batches so you don't get a big lump. Return any removed cheese to the processing bowl and add a couple dollops of mayo and one jar of very well drained pimentos and whir up until blended nicely.
• Scrape the sharp cheddar, mayonnaise and pimento mixture into a large bowl.
• Change your blade to the shredding blade. Shred both the Colby and the sharp cheddar in batches. Put in a separate bowl. (Again, batches will be necessary.).
• Add the shredded cheese to the whirred up cheese folding it in a little at a time. Alternating with dollops of mayo and more of the drained pimentos. Lastly, stir in a smidge of cayenne. You don't want it to be hot, just have personality.
• Don't over stir to mush, but make sure everything is well incorporated.
• Some notes:.
• **Yes, one could use Hellman's instead. But please, no Miracle Whip. Also, no low fat or light mayo. Your already eating a ton of cheese, that light mayo won't help you any.
• **Serve on very fresh white bread or Ritz Crackers if you are feeling fancy or are serving company. One piece of bread folded in half will transport you home, I'm sure. Yes, you could use anything else you like. It's great by the finger full, on hot dogs, hamburgers and crudités too.).
• **If you can't find the chopped pimentos. Go ahead and buy the fancy jarred red bell peppers, drain them well and chop / shred them in the food processor. They are the same thing, just more expensive.
• **This stays good in the refrigerator for up to a month. (If it lasts that long.) Even with mayo? Yes -- How long do you keep your mayonnaise jar in the fridge? Ya'll will know when it's gone bad; the green furry stuff will take over. If it has just a little though, you can scrape it off and its fine. (Now the Food Safety people may disagree with me here, but it never killed any of us, so it's up to you.)
• **This makes four (4) 16oz Ball jelly jars. Enough to keep and some to share.
• **Please, for the love of God above -- don't buy pre-shredded cheese. It is too expensive and has extra ingredients in it that keep the shreds separate. 1 cup by volume of shredded cheese is not the same as 8oz of weight. You could go ALLLLL authentic and grate by hand with a box grater and work off some of the calories you'll eat when tasting for perfection. It's tough though. Please, beg, borrow or all but steal to get a food processor for this one.
• **The mix of cheeses is as similar as you can get to the old government cheese from which this recipe was initially invented. We were just fortunate enough not to be on the list for those 10lb blocks of cheese, but one would find this mixture very similar.
• ** There is no cream cheese in this recipe. You get the creaminess from the way you process the extra sharp cheddar.
• **Fancy cheese is not necessary. Get generic, it's perfectly fine.
• **If you've ever had the kind in the jar and hated it, no worries. This is totally different. That other stuff is chemical in a jar.
• **Please, enjoy with your choice of a Mason jar of sweet tea, some very sweet red Kool-Aid or fruit punch Fla-Vor-Aid! I hope if your familar that it take you back. If it's new to you -- it can be a new tradition. It's like grilled cheese without the grill.
• Lip Smack -- ahhhhhhhhhhhhh!